A New Year, A New You?

I was just looking at my email and I noticed that the theme from the senders is 2020 sucks, and we need to get to 2021 so we can have a better life!

Yes, 2020 has been hard! People have lost jobs, can’t afford their bills & groceries, and some have even lost loved ones. It’s not fair! It sucks! I agree but if we stay in this mindset we will not have a fantastic 2021!

Look, my hubby couldn’t get another job during the first recession after the company that he was working for went public and sold their company. We went 9 months before he finally another job in a different state. We had to ask his parents for money so we could move our household.

After being in the new state he got laid off again! Luckily I was working then.

I quickly learned that being positive can have an impact on your life. You can still think positive thoughts, raise your vibration, and change your mindset to think and see the positive in your life.

One thing this year you can do is to is not make New Year’s resolutions that you know that can’t be fulfilled. To start any goal is to change your mindset. Write down what it is that you want to change. Write down your WHY. If you write down your WHY and explore it, you will have a better experience and will be able to achieve your goal.

Write down your specific goal. Writing out I want to lose weight is not a specific goal. How much weight do you want to lose? How will you lose it? How much exercise will you be able to do each day or the week?

After my brain surgery, I wanted to start to work out again. My first goal was to gain muscle strength that I had lost. I also needed to get my strength up to last half a day. It would have been unrealistic of me to say I wanted to stay awake all day long. I knew I needed my nap in the middle of the day.  I was lucky that I found someone that I still follow to this day that was offering Pilates workouts free for 5 days. I tried to do a little of her exercises each day. Some of the moves hurt my head and I knew I couldn’t do those exercises.

At least 2 times a week I tried to walk around the block. I started by just going down the street and coming back home until I could go further and further each week. Before I knew it I was walking out of our neighborhood and down the street. At first, it was really slow. I had to stop a lot and stretch my back but I finally made my goal a couple of months after my surgery.

Being realistic in my goals was the key to success. I did the same with my meditation and positive affirmation practice. I wrote out my schedule for the morning. I wrote down when would be a good time to sit and meditate and read my positive affirmations. . I included how long I would spend online when I would have my green juice & smoothie, my coffee (decaf), and exercise. I gave myself 15 mins. a day for exercise in the beginning, just to get my body moving.  I also scheduled my laundry day so my husband could bring the clothes downstairs to the garage where the laundry room is. I had to be careful of falling down the stairs so I had to ask my husband for help. . (We have since bought a ranch-style home so I don’t have to worry about stairs anymore.) In the afternoon it was more of things like bills, cleaning the kitchen and preparing & cooking dinner.

Finally have a positive mindset. See yourself achieving your goals. If you want to lose weight, see yourself stronger & at your goal weight. If you want to get that dream job, see yourself at the place you want to work nailing that interview! Add feeling behind your visions. Without happy, positive feelings it will not work. You need to have confidence that you will achieve your goals.

I like Napoleon Hill’s quote, “What the mind of man can conceive and believe, the mind of man can achieve.”

What To Do When You Are Feeling Stuck?

I am meditating with Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfree this week. It’s a free meditation for the week. He has good insights into why we get stuck, or stagnant, in life? How do we help ourselves? One of the reasons why I wanted to be a life coach, and a mindfulness coach was to teach people to stay in the present moment. Being mindful has helped me with my anxiety, depression, and the feeling of “yuckiness”. You know when you feel like you are not good enough, you can’t say or do anything well enough. You just feel like you are stuck in the yuckiness of the feelings from the past.

“I am never stuck when I am in the PRESENT moment” was yesterday’s meditation.

Do you find you are always thinking about the past? Do you critique yourself for what you went thru? What someone had said? I know I had. I still trip up and find myself thinking about the past, but I know how to stop myself and bring myself into the Present moment.

How do you move past that?

-Become aware of your thoughts.
What are you thinking about? Are you being negative about yourself or the situation? Can you change your thinking to be more positive?

-Start to train your mind to think positively. It’s one of the reasons why I like positive affirmations so much. If you can find a few affirmations that you like, and it makes you feel good, say them when you find yourself thinking negative thoughts.

-Envision you’re at a train station and the train is coming but it’s not the train you want. Do you get on it anyway? Of course not.

Now think about that same train that is a negative thought. Let the train go by without jumping onto it. Let go of your thoughts, breathe, say your positive affirmation(s), and let the thought go. Just like letting the train go by. You’re letting the negative thought go by. Send Peace into your heart. Then send love into your heart. Breathe and focus on the good feelings you get when you practice sending Peace and Love into your heart.

Once you get used to the practice it gets easier. You have been thinking negative thoughts for so long that you have to practice thinking positive thoughts now. You are replacing one thought (negative) with another (positive).  

Once I started to practice this method I started noticing more things going on around me. I noticed I was not anxious as much. I noticed how beautiful the trees were. I started to notice people being nicer to me. Not that I wasn’t being nice, I was just in my head with my anxiety and negative thoughts.

You will notice that you are thinking positively about the future. You aren’t looking back as much. You may start to notice that you’re more creative. You may notice you are not so mad or angry as well. You may not react fast when someone cuts you off on the freeway.

The last thing I want to tell you is that you are doing a great job in life! It doesn’t matter what you had done in the past. If you are here and you are reading this then you are ready to make Peace with your past.

You are a terrific person! You are trying so hard. Sometimes you need help, and that is ok! Ask for help. Forgive yourself! Let Love and Peace into your heart.

Don’t forget to sign up for my newsletter where I go into more depth about the topics I write about on my blog. If you need help with mindfulness ask me for help. I can work with you to bring Peace into your life.  

Email me at michelleedwardslifecoach@gmail.com

No More Drama!! Self-Discipline

Yesterday I went to get blood drawn for a procedure I have next Tuesday.  I was a walk-in. With COVID the times for appointments are all taken quickly. I had a call from the cardiology saying I had to get the blood drawn that day. I laughed thinking “yea right”. Of course, all of the appointments were taken. The soonest was March 17. Way past my procedure.

So I picked the smallest place that had wait time minimal for walk-ins. I was lucky to have them accept me. As I was waiting I saw on the screen that I had a 12-minute wait. Not too bad. I went back to scrolling Instagram. People came in and out. They had appts so they got called. No big deal, right?! Well, apparently it was for this gal. She jumps up and starts asking how many appts do they schedule for every 15 minutes, her time expired and now it’s back to 12 minutes again. So I looked up and noticed mine was back to 10 minutes. She is ranting and raving. She’ll just make an appt. she says, no big deal. BUT apparently, it was a BIG DEAL if she was shouting in front of us all. By the time she is done, she is shaking. She walks out by saying “thanks for NOT caring”. It was explained to her during her rant that she is a walk-in and appts get priority.

The funny thing is not even 5 minutes later I was called to the back to get my blood drawn!! I almost LOL!! I told the person “thank you so much for taking me! I know I don’t have an appt.” I was nice and cordial to her. AND in return, she was nice and cordial to me as well. As I was leaving I made sure to say Thank You to the people manning the front. They didn’t deserve the woman yelling at them.

The problem with this scenario is this:

Was she really angry because she saw her time reset and she has to sit there for whoever knows how long? She said she would make an appt, it was no big deal!

OR was she angry about something else instead? And decided to yell at the people who were working the front.

Of course we will never know. I am just glad that she left because then I was called!

The words “thanks for not caring” are significant I believe. Is she getting blood drawn to see if she has an illness? I don’t believe it could have been routine. It might have been but by her behavior, I don’t think it was.

Drama! Anger, sadness, happiness. It’s what the person that is going thru the emotions is perceiving at the time. Did something set you off that you’re angry? Do you know why you are angry or sad? Is there a story behind it? Do you even know?!

When I was working at the Library in Maryland I had a person come into re-new a book. He seemed angry. As I was working full time I knew most of the people. The way he acted I knew he wasn’t angry with me but he kept “fighting” with me. I knew it was nothing to do with the situation. So I finally said gently “you seem angry has something happened?” OOH boy was that the right question to ask! Yes in fact right before coming into the library a cop had stopped him and ticketed him.  He realized how he was acting towards me and apologized. I told him there was no need to apologize. He then thanked me for listening to him.

That’s all he wanted. Is for someone to listen to him about his story and what happened to him. He acknowledged he was speeding and deserved the ticket. But that was an afterthought.

Growing up most of us are told don’t be angry, don’t be sad, don’t cry it’s not worth crying over. We keep getting these negative messages for our own feelings. So as an adult we hold in our anger or sadness. We internalize our feelings. But is that healthy?

Drama and self-discipline go hand in hand. Think before you act.

When you get angry about something that just hits so fast. Ask yourself why are you angry? What triggered the anger, or sadness? Sometimes it could have been somebody cutting you off on the freeway, or a co-worker innocently said something that triggered the anger. Are you really angry at that person, or is there something hidden deep inside you that made you angry?

It could have been a smell that brought you back to a memory that you don’t like. It could have been a word the co-worker said that your parent used while you were growing up.

Sometimes we need to think first before jumping up and yelling at someone. Ask yourself is it worth the anger, the embarrassment to yell at the innocent staff who are doing their job?

What is it that brings discomfort to you that leads you down memory lane?

I hate people yelling. I grew up with alcoholic parents that would scream and yell all night long. I would hide under my covers until I fell asleep. I am uncomfortable when anger becomes an issue. But I also know that it’s because of my upbringing. I get anxious as well. I am always telling myself that I am safe when I start to get anxious in a situation. I have to look around and tell myself I am safe!

What feelings are you bringing up that are triggers for you while growing up, or in another situation that happened to you that brought out unpleasant feelings?

Should we tamp down our feelings?

Yes, and no. Tamping down the feelings to figure out why you want to explode is good. Tamping them down to resist the feeling is wrong. We are given feelings for a reason. We are human. We should not have to apologize for our feelings unless we hurt someone. But we should be aware of our feelings. We shouldn’t go down the freeway getting mad at someone and then try to cut them off because they cut in front of us. If we are aware of our feelings then we can acknowledge that person made me angry for cutting me off. I always send LOVE their way. I try not to get angry-here in S Florida we get cut off daily so I would be perpetually angry all day long!

So to wrap up let’s remember to:

Become aware of the situation and your feelings.

Is  there a memory, or a situation, that made you so angry, or sad, that you have to lash out?

Don’t tamp down your feelings. Become aware of them, and let them go. Say I am aware I am very angry because it reminds me that nobody cares about me. Then say a prayer, visualize it and send it to the light of the Angels, and let it go.

Send a loving feeling to the person that you feel that has wronged you.

And of course, journal, meditate, and TAP on your situation!!!

Practice loving kindness to yourself and others. Make it a good day for yourself and others.

Let me know in the comments what you do when you get angry or sad. In what ways are you dealing with it?

Thoughtful Quote

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. – Neale Donald Walsch

Once you stop being fearful of moving forward you learn to grow. You will want to take that new job, or do a new hobby. Don’t let fear keep you stuck in life.

Quote

Don’t ever make decisions based on fear. Make decisions on hope and possibility. Make decisions based on what should happen, not what shouldn’t. Michelle Obama

What if Love is not in the air……

February can bring up mixed feelings for some.  It’s Valentine’s Month if you haven’t guessed since Christmas clearance has gone.

I feel like our culture emphasizes too much on Valentine’s Day.  I see people depressed thinking why don’t I have someone in my life? What am I doing wrong? I also hear I HATE this month I can’t stand it! I don’t need anyone in my life, they have hurt me too much!! I don’t care!

My own daughter & son in law do not celebrate Valentine’s Day. EVER! Not even when they were dating. It’s just the card company that made it up, They say! We know we love each other, why do we have to buy anything to prove it?

So WHY does it hurt some people, and others not so much?

If you hold onto something tight enough you will bleed.

It’s same thing about relationships.

If someone hurt you bad enough it’s hard to let go. But what if you could just ease up a little at a time, and pretty soon you realize it doesn’t have a hold over you anymore.  But getting there is the hard part. Especially doing it alone. You have well-meaning friends and family that are saying “stop wasting your time on him/her”.  But that doesn’t help. They are not understanding your feelings and situation. It may feel like the knife just sank in deeper when they say those things to you.

There are steps to take that can help you. But you must want to let go!! You can’t hold on and want it gone magically. I think that is the main reason why so many people are hurting. They like the feeling of the hurt. I am not saying you like being hurt. It’s more like a habit. Almost like a craving. If that feeling goes away, then what? You have an emptiness. You need to fill that void. So you overeat, or binge watch tv or jump into a new relationship. You are not solving the problem, you are creating new ones.

I know because I have been through it. I overate, I sat & watched tv for hours on end. I overworked. I stayed up late worrying about other things because I didn’t want to think about the thing that really mattered that I was avoiding.

For our family February is a hard month. Our son was born on Feb. 6, 1988.  On Feb. 14, 1988 he had a heart transplant. He was #13 in the world to get one.  In 2005 He died of lymphoma cancer from the drug that was supposed to keep him alive and not reject his heart.

I was suddenly alone. My 2 dogs were there for comfort when my husband went back to work, and the kids went back to school. There wasn’t anything for me anymore. No more doctor’s Appts.; which was my social hour with the nurses and doctors. Sad but true. No more meeting with the teachers. Or the Physical and Occupational therapists. I had my other 2 children and they needed me emotionally but physically there was no place for me anymore. What was I going to do? Who was I if I wasn’t a mother of a special needs child anymore? I was a mother of a deceased child now. People didn’t want to be around me. They couldn’t handle it. It made them sad! I had no friends left.

What do I do with my life now? What are my likes? What do I want to do? To feel better physically & mentally I started to do yoga and meditation.  I started to listen to Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra and read their books. The more I dived into their teachings the more the emptiness started to fill up. I started to feel at peace. I was still grieving but it was different grief now.

It wasn’t until we had to move from Colorado to Maryland that the grieving and emptiness came back. I didn’t have any place to put a story to for a restaurant or the movie theater that our son liked.  Each February we did go to Red Robin the hamburger place to “celebrate” his b’day and Valentine’s Day. We would get a red balloon since it was his favorite color.  I didn’t talk about my son to my coworkers while working at the library. I felt like it was my story and I didn’t want it to spread for others to tell it. So I wrapped it around me like a cloak. As the years went on I realized that my cloak was now smothering me. I wanted to hide. I wasn’t interested in going out. I had to WANT to be in a better mind space.

In the beginning, it was not easy to go within to meditate my mind was all over the place! It took practice, and once I found somebody that I liked, it got easier. Once I started meditated I stopped thinking about the relationships that were lost. But if we start with Self Love first, the rest will fall into place easier.

 Here are the steps to Self-Love:

STEP ONE:

-Meditation

-Journal

-(EFT) Tapping

Not every day would work out the way I wanted it to. Sometimes I would wake up anxious and depressed. I would start to get angry. I turned to my spiritual practice to meditate I would feel more at peace. At bedtime, I Tap to help clear the anxiety so I could rest and sleep through the night.  I had to practice self-love and let myself be able to let go.

STEP TWO:

Let go and allow.

Once you are on the path to self-love you will get anxious and depressed. It’s normal.  We are told that we shouldn’t put ourselves first. Especially women. I felt like I was being selfish for putting myself first. But over time I realized that I was making myself sick for not doing so. If you don’t permit yourself to let go and allow the feelings that you have bottled up, it will fester and will turn into a disease. You need to pour self-love into yourself to fill up the cup so you can be there for others to help them also.

STEP THREE:

-Upon Waking up, check into your emotional place and decide where you want to be emotionally for the day.

Do you want to be happy, positive, or sad? Start by feeling compassionate towards yourself. Put yourself first. Emotionally and Physically. Don’t judge or be too critical. Just feel and see in the present moment, not the past. Observe your feelings throughout the day. This helps you to be awake and aware in the present moment meaning you actually experience your own life.

After our son died and everyone went back to work & school I allowed myself to rest before the kids came home from school. My mind kept going over a “list” that needed to be done that day but I was exhausted. Housework and other things on my to-do list could wait a couple of hours or be done on another day. If I didn’t get things done I would just RELEASE AND ALLOW the (negative) feelings that came up. When I told my husband that things didn’t get done that day I tried not to dwell on the negative feelings. If you release and allow the negative (or guilt) feelings you won’t bottle them up.

My thought was Tomorrow is another day and I could do them when I felt like I was able to. I always did everything I wanted to in a day but with grief, depression & anxiety my husband realized that I was putting myself first (First time in our marriage) and I needed to rest and relax. Sometimes I would go to the park and spend the afternoon there when the kids got home from school instead of chores.

To avoid anxiety I would write down the things that needed to be done the next day. At night if I needed to pay a bill or something equally important I would do that once the kids went to bed.

STEP FOUR:

-Step out of reactionary and start living your truth

-Step out of living in the past and start living in the present moment

-Practice Mindfulness

In the beginning, I was numb, I was lost, and I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I would sit at home and stare into space. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to do anything. I had to be honest with myself and get out of living in the past. I had to WANT to be in the Present moment. I didn’t want the past to be repetitive in my head over and over again.

This wasn’t just after our son passed away. It reoccurred when we several states. I felt sad, lost, and alone again. I didn’t know anyone. I let my feelings rule me for some time. We lost a lot after the several jobs my husband lost, and the 2 moves before moving to South Florida.

It was a different type of loss but it was still loss all the same.  I let myself feel the loss. I wouldn’t excuse it away. I focused on self-love, meditation, and Tapping to get out of the funk I was in.

Exercising made a big impact on me also. I love walking and meditating. This is a great technique for moments when you go for a walk to clear your mind or calm down a negative emotion or obsessive thoughts.

STEP FIVE:

-ACT! Be a service to others

–Find your calling

Through the counselor I was seeing at the time we talked about my calling. She pointed out that I had plenty of experience working with special needs children. I started to work for the school district as a Special Education Teacher Assistant. Because I was able to put my love and energy into the kids it also helped me to grieve in a unique way. Putting your energy into being a service to others can help you as well.

Note: I started writing this at the beginning of February. I am now finishing it up. I got really sick around Christmas (Luckily COVID was negative) and I am trying to get out of feeling blah again. I am tired all of the time again, my doctor says that my thyroid levels are fine, my cardiologist says everything is fine. Physically I am fine. But I don’t feel like myself. I realized since getting sick I haven’t been exercising or meditating as much as I did before. I am not following my own wisdom. I want to feel good again! Getting back into my habits I know I will slowly start to feel better. 

What are some ways you feel better when you are in a funk? Let me know! Also, sign up for my newsletter where I go more in-depth about what I write about on my blog.  I email 2xs a month so I will not be bombarding your email box! Thank You so much for reading my blog!