A Little Hiccup in the Road

We finally made it to Germany. I can’t believe November 12 was one month already. We had a temporary apartment for the first 30 days while we looked, and looked, and looked some more for a rental home.

We finally found one and we moved into it on November 10. The day before my hubby came home from work sick to his stomach. We thought he had food poisoning. He kept complaining of the side of his stomach hurting. After spending a night in our new rental home freezing because the floor heat and radiators weren’t working my hubby went to the urgent care on the Army base. I didn’t go because he thought he’d be home that night. He ended up texting me telling me he was going to be hospitalized for a blocked intestine!! WHAT?!! He had the rental car. How was I supposed to go there? WHY didn’t I go WITH him??!! All of these things were going through my mind.

Luckily his immediate boss and wife helped me out. The wife came to get me to bring me to the hospital to get the keys to the car. I confessed I hadn’t yet driven the rental car; I had driven our landlord of the apartment car that was an automatic. She kept going in these roundabout ways to get to the Army base. My anxiety started to spike and I wondered out loud can I drive home without getting lost, and drive the stick shift?!! We ended up at her house to pick up her husband so he could drive the car back to my house. We all (FINALLY) got to the hospital to see my hubby. He confessed the doctor told him it might be stomach cancer. Trying to not show my anxiety I put on my brave face. I don’t want to bore you with the details but if the medical plan wasn’t going to work they would have to do surgery.

Here’s the thing with anxiety. It likes to LIE to you about everything!! You can listen to it or you can say no I am going to look on the positive side and everything will just have to work out. I didn’t want to believe we had our dream come true to move to Germany, and then have something bad happen to my husband. A lot of things kept entering my mind while I lay on our air mattress at night!! Our household goods still aren’t here so we are “camping” out.

Things that helped me out:

  • TAPPING (EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE): In the Tapping Solution APP I tapped on releasing anxiety and release overwhelm.

MEDITATION: On bringing in Light and love, and Appreciation. After my appreciation meditation, I wrote in my journal all of the things I appreciated and was grateful for.

This helps me to calm my anxiety down and keep my mind positive instead of dragging me into a dark hole. I have been there before, I don’t like being there. I know to take care of myself mentally and physically as well. It’s been a lot of trial and error, but I now know what I need to do to keep staying positive. It’s just like exercising every day. We need to work on being mindful. It’s easy to think of all the bad things that could go *wrong*. But I don’t want to dwell on that. Why should I? It will just add more stress and anxiety. And luckily none of those things came true. So I would have just worried for nothing.

If you ever go through something stressful please be gentle with yourself. It takes time to change your thinking to be mindful. It takes practice. I recommend doing 1 meditation or Tapping exercise and repeating it as necessary. Try to stay in the moment as well. Try not to dwell on the future. If you do gently bring yourself back to the now, and here.

What are some of the things you do to stay positive?

Here are 2 good Apps to have in your collection.

  1. Tapping Solution: This has really good subjects to TAP on. You can pick the category that you need for that day.
  2. Gabby Bernstein: this newly redesigned App has meditations, lectures, and a journal.

Embracing Changes

How well are you at changes? Do you make plans and then something happens and you can’t do that plan anymore? Do you get angry? Sad? Frustrated? Do you go completely blank and can’t function? Or do you blame the other person or party?

it’s easy to focus on your plans and want them to go exactly as you envision it. Planning, daydreaming, calling, and making appointments is stressful but how we HANDLE it internally is essential. Raging at someone is not going to help. It won’t help when we need a solution fast. We need to focus and stay in the moment. Focus on what needs to be done here and now. Who can help us? What is an alternative solution?

We’re in the middle of moving to Germany for my husband’s job. Being a military wife I thought I was prepared. I found out I wasn’t. My anxiety went from a 10 to a 100! I lost focus. I couldn’t get it together. This is not normal for me. I’m an organizer. I couldn’t get organized. The cats didn’t have their health certificates for travel. As a result, my husband and I had to travel separately to Germany.

The day the movers came, an hour earlier than they said, we were running around throwing things we didn’t want them to pack in the bathroom. It was chaos.

Many appointments I made got canceled. The appointment for the car to get washed before being transported on a ship to Germany got canceled. The sleep number bed employees didn’t show up to dismantle the bed that we paid them for. We had to watch a you tube video on how to do it. Our 2 neighbors had a laugh at this one.

One of the packers dismantled our internet and packed the modem that has to stay with the house.

I had to pivot and readjust. I could have gotten angry but it would not have helped. I wouldn’t have received the help with customer service. I find that people do not respond well to anger, and don’t want to help out for instance.

I have a friend back in FL whenever I text her about something happening she would text back to remind me the Universe knows what it is doing. Or she would text me and say Just sit and pray on it. An answer will show up. Of course, she was right. Things did turn out but my anxiety kept me believing that it wouldn’t. When I turned my thinking around to being positive I saw that things did turn out the way I had planned them.

I have a spiritual tool bag that I dig into when things seem to be going wrong, or right as the Universe has been showing me. In my bag are as follows:

Get quiet go within and Breathe. This helps signal to the brain to calm the system down when you are feeling stressed.

Tapping on anxiety (Emotional Freedom Technique)

Saying Mantra such as “Peace Begins With ME” for each word tap your thumb and first finger-Peace Tap your 2nd finger and thumb-Begins Tap your ring finger and thumb-With and Tap your pinky finger and thumb-Me

Meditation: I meditate on bringing Peace and Light into my body. I also surrender to the Universe. I can’t make changes if I am stressed and trying to make things happen if it doesn’t align with the Universe. It’s like pushing a brick wall to move. I listen to Gabby Bernstein’s meditations.

What’s gone will be replaced with something better. Embrace every new opportunity as a chance to create change. Trust your intuition as it guides you toward your desired outcome. Be confident in your ability to forge a new path. You have the power to achieve anything you set your mind to. Continue to strive for greatness!

Why do we think we have to be perfect?

While I don’t usually post pictures of myself on social media, even on my own business page, I took a picture of myself, being imperfect. To tell myself to let it go, to say that I am loved, and treasured.

I was afraid of making mistakes, I didn’t trust myself & I kept playing small, and putting myself last.

I learned to do it when I was younger and kept on doing it growing up. It wasn’t until I started putting myself first because of my life coach business did I see the pattern.

I wanted to be perfect. I learned growing up that if I was *perfect* I wouldn’t get in trouble with my parents, or teachers. I *thought* I wanted everything to look nice and clean, and I had to act a certain way.

But I overdid it and I had to deal with depression and anxiety attacks. Why was this happening to me?!

I was play-acting all thru my adult life. I pretended I was fine when I wasn’t. Nobody cares to hear about why you are depressed! Just snap out of it they would say! But with diagnosed depression, it is a chemical in your brain that is imbalanced. You can’t just snap out of it, or be happy!! I know, I tried! You become fatigued and more depressed.

It wasn’t until I started to see a psychiatrist and therapy with him, that I started to talk about my life with a special needs child. And growing up with alcoholic parents. My conditioned self wanted everything to be perfect and non-stressed. If that is even a thing. I grew up with stress as a child. I didn’t want a repeat of it, thank you very much.

But my conditioned self reacted to the stress because it’s what she knows and fears, and hates. Anytime something happened I would label it *bad*.  Then I would be negative about the situation and I couldn’t handle it. Growing up as a small child when my parents would start drinking and then rage fighting, I would run up to my bedroom, get under the covers and finally fall asleep! I wanted to do that as an adult too. But I would just charge into the situation like a mad bull and start yelling. I didn’t know how else to handle it. It’s what I learned.

Now I meditate, journal, do Pilates and do what I learned, and teach as a life/mindfulness/spiritual coach. Positive affirmations work well too.

My mind used to go over and over again with the past. It’s called monkey-mind. You have repeats in your head. Even trying to fall asleep my brain would try to recreate my fear. After EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping, I learned to become *safe* when going to sleep. It’s something that I didn’t link to my childhood. I didn’t feel safe sleeping at night. Not until the depression did I start having insomnia. I didn’t feel safe. Now I have to remind myself that I am safe and it’s ok to sleep.

I had a lot of things going on that I had to have unconditioned. In her book Gabby Bernstein “Happy Days” she says: “`When someone experiences a traumatic event, their amygdala (the emotional response center of the brain) often becomes overactive, which can lead to a heightened fear response, leaving the person in a persistent state of hyper-arousal and stress”. Even though our brain can forget what happened from disassociation these continue to affect us subconsciously.  It can be in our bodies and our minds. “There it remains energetically present, leaving us in a constant state of alertness and on the lookout for danger”.

My course teaches 6 steps on how to recondition yourself from these responses. The first step is to become aware that you are having “flashbacks” of whatever trauma you experience. If it needs immediate attention, please seek professional help. If you are interested in having a life coach, please feel free to reach out to me and we can have a free zoom call to see if I can help you.

Below is the link to my Instagram page

www. https://www.instagram.com/p/CfwJ8SeAwM9

“She builds people up because she knows what it is like to be torn down.”

Hi, I am Michelle Edwards.

For over 20 years I have been on a search to find my true purpose. I have journaled, meditated, and have said positive affirmations before it became really popular. I have worked on my anxiety, depression, and self-doubt. On my journey, I have yearned for balance in my then chaotic life, peace, and fellowship with like-minded people. I wanted to have a life filled with purpose and to step into my power. I wanted to feel connected once again. I longed to be seen, heard, and understood. I was always creating and then quitting soon after. I had a monkey-mind that would not quit even at night. I worried all of the time. I wanted to control, and be perfect in every aspect of my home and life. I would future-trip which made my anxiety worse.

Our firstborn son was born in 1988. At 8 days old he was (experimental) number 13 to receive a heart transplant on Valentine’s day at Loma Linda University Medical Center in California close to where we were stationed. My anxiety started around this time as well.

After 2 more children and our 3rd move to a base in New Jersey, I started to get panic attacks and was diagnosed with major depression. I couldn’t leave the house so I had to seek out a psychiatrist. While sitting in his office crying I remember him telling me “One day you will be happy, and you will have a good life.”  My thought was “Are you crazy?!” I couldn’t see it. But I trusted him and had to believe it.

I continued meditation and reading positive affirmations. I didn’t want the depression and anxiety rule my life.

Our son passed away in 2006 from Lymphoma Cancer. With the “training” from my psychiatrist and my practice of meditation, I survived this passage. I had 2 other children to live for and I was not going to let them down. On my path, I have rediscovered who I was. I took care of my soul. I slept when I needed it. I tried to eat a healthy diet.

When both kids left for college we became empty-nesters. I was sad and lonely. My husband lost his job 3 times, and we ended up moving 3 times for his new jobs. I was a seasoned military wife so I survived the new locations. Our last move was near Miami FL.

In the 3 years that we have been in South Florida, I have had 3 surgeries. One was a major shoulder surgery after falling down the stairs. I pushed through the pain from the surgery, and physical therapy. I kept a positive outlook on life. After making a comeback I enrolled in an online school for herbalism. I was still searching for a way to live my life purpose, and to help people.

In July 2019 I found out I had to have brain surgery to remove a cyst on my brain. I felt defeated and alone. I struggled with depression and anxiety once again. 

I became a member of my favorite author Gabby Bernstein’s Miracle Membership. I followed her meditations and guidance on how to feel good, and be grateful for everything. I began to climb out of the darkness into the light once more. Her new book Super Attractor came out, and it was THE book that finally pieced everything together for me. I applied her steps into my life, and I began to change. I was becoming more aligned with my true self and I was ready to have faith in the Universe once again. I became aware of my inner voice and playing small. I began to shift my thinking and observing my self-talk. I began being self-aware and being mindful by living in the present moment. I was more aware of future-tripping and stopping it when it started. I learned that there was no reason for me to play small anymore. As Gabby put it: “The Universe has big plans for you, and it’s time to claim them.”

While doing meditation of Gabby’s called Lifting The Veil I saw that I had a black cloak held tightly around me, and it was making me sick. Through journaling, I had to let it go. As I wrote in my journal afterward: “I feel free and unburdened. I feel I am happy. I feel lightened. I feel carefree.” It didn’t mean that my grieving for my son was gone, it’s still there.   It just means that I am not burdened down by it any longer. I found that person that once was happy, and carefree.

 I signed up for Gabby’s manifestation challenge in January 2020, and while reading a post on the manifestation challenge page on Facebook someone asked about what Online School was best for a life coach.

Seeing Life Coach sparked something inside of me. I began to look at the online courses for life coaching that somebody had recommended. The more I read the more I got excited. This is what I was searching for. I have been preparing my life for this. I remember a conversation with my psychiatrist so many years ago when I told him that I wanted to help people with depression and anxiety.  I wanted to help people to move on and to believe in themselves

As a Certified Professional Life Coach and a Certified Mindfulness Coach, I have learned how to help clients become aware of their self-talk, Overcoming being on autopilot, and to move on. I can help with Overcoming indecisions. Overcome inaction. And so much more by helping you with meditations, positive affirmations, and a 12 step by step process to finding your passion and your purpose. To sign up for emails and to get the free guide for 8 steps to self-confidence sign up above.

I found my life purpose, let me help you find yours. Sign up below to get the free guide on how to raise your self-esteem, and to be on my email list.