How to Survive the Holiday’s during grief

For me, Christmas is really hard since we lost our son to cancer. He loved Christmas! As soon as the ads would come in he’d circle everything! He had to biggest smile you could imagine!

Now I just have the memories. How do I, even you, get thru the Holidays without that loved one, and just a memory?

First, Meditation! Sit and send LOVE to yourself. Send LOVE to your heart. Send LOVE to your loved one.

Second, It’s ok to grieve. There is no timetable when we need to be “over” grieving! I was watching a Hallmark Christmas movie with a woman with 2 kids that lost her husband, and the kid’s dad. She moves back to the town near her mom thinking it would be good for them. The mom pushes them all to decorate for Christmas, and to celebrate Christmas even though she keeps insisting she is not ready! The mom finally gets fed up with the pushback and says “It’s been 2 ( or3?) years since he died! You need to celebrate Christmas!! I turned it off after that! The lady is heartbroken and needs to grieve. She needs support from her family. She doesn’t need someone to tell her to get “over” it! I was told to decorate for Christmas after my son passed away. I didn’t want to! It was horrible enough to not have him there but to decorate would bring up all kinds of emotions! My friend told me to do it for my other 2 kids. They deserve to have decorations. She was right, they did deserve it. We deserved new traditions as well as the old traditions. We were a new family unit of 4 now instead of 5. We needed to find out what we all liked and loved again about the Holiday. We went slow and small. We tried to make it special but we talked about our son, their brother, as well. We didn’t shut him out. We let him in. It’s ok to be sad and grieve. Don’t push it away. It will fester and you will have bigger problems ahead mentally.

When my brother died in my first year of community college and my younger sister was in High School my mom pulled away from us. I remember years later when my younger sister said “it was like we weren’t even there!” She said she wanted to scream We are still living!!! I vowed not to let that happen to my kids. I wanted to be there for them as well. It sucks! It really does! But live in the Present Moment and give love to your loved ones. Slowly it will get better! It will never be the same, but it will get better.

If you are emotionally and/or physically drained ask people for help. We don’t have to be superheroes all of the time. We can rest and take care of ourselves physically. Take an Epsom salt bath with lighted candles. Buy a new book or find an old book that you love, and want to read again.

I love journaling and meditation, and also EFT (Tapping). This is a tremendous help to get through the hard days. I love having Tea with lavender or Rose in it. I have 2 rose quartz that I love putting on my chest while I meditate. For so long I always took care of others and neglected myself. It was my time now.

If you are worried about the future. Start watching your thoughts and bring them back to the present. Enjoy the time right now. Focus on what is in front of you, and who is in front of you. Don’t judge yourself when you need to remind yourself again to stay in the present moment. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You are retraining your brain from years of worrying about the future.

You and your family deserve time to live in the present with joy and love. Give yourself that gift. It doesn’t even have to be wrapped.

I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season filled with Love, Light, Happiness, and Peace. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time to heal. You deserve it.