Why Can’t I Be Enough?!

I am doing a writing exercise for the week with Nadia Colburn called Align your Story. She teaches if you go within for meditation to clear your mind, it’s easier to be in a creative state. Likewise, she also does a yoga move so we can get our bodies moving and relaxed so we can focus on our writing. She reads a part of a poem or story. We are to use 5 words for our prompt to write. The story below came to me with a couple of words she gave to us. It isn’t perfect but it isn’t meant to be. Just putting words to the page.

There is emptiness and loneliness right before the first snowfall of the season in Colorado, I feel the atmosphere change. I am excited. The air is getting cold and the clouds are turning dark. I walk the neighborhood. Talking to God. Why am I here? What do you want me to do? I’m frustrated. There’s a shift in the weather and I want a shift in my life. I wait for it to snow with big white flakes to fall on me and soothe my soul.

There is not a soul outside, not even 1 car.

My mind is in turmoil I remember. I want guidance.

I am only in the 4th grade but I want something more. Like in Little House in the Prairie how something wonderful happens and Laura is so happy! Somebody came to her rescue. Why can’t I be rescued? I want to feel happiness and peace!

Why can’t my parents stop drinking and drunk fighting? I stare at the dark sky and scream in my own head, why am I here with them?!

Our home is beautiful inside and out. Why can’t I be beautiful inside and out?